I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
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