i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
We have so much sex to catch up on
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize