My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
Randomize
