we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
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