ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
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