I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Randomize
