Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
