I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Randomize
