my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
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