Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
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