I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
