True but thats because hes a fetus.
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Randomize
