i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Randomize
