I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
I'm just crazy horny about you
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
