just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
