Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
You took a bar mat shot.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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