Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize
