Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
Randomize
