Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
