I don't usually arrange sex via text message
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
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