haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Randomize
