While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
Houston, we have a blender
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
