I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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