i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
