you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
Randomize
