Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Randomize
