we're chasing vodka with high fives
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
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