You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Randomize
