my mouth tastes like poor choices
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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