He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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