you guys were way drunker than both of me
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
This house was built for laser tag.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
