I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
Randomize
