i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Randomize
