i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
