He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
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