watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
So apparently I’m into choking now
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
