god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
PANTIES FOUND
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
