I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Randomize
