This house was built for laser tag.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
Randomize
