Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
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