it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
