at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize