i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
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