no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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