My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
