I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
