Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
