maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
I'm really busy with my period
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