everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Randomize
