I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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