dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
