...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
