he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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