I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
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