Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
