Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
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