Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Randomize
