i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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