No stitches, just platelets and will power
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Randomize
