i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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