so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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