dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
