She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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