I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
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