If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Randomize
