dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Randomize
