I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
