just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Randomize
