Welp...herpes.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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