Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
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