And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
