Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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