and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
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