Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
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