Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize