So drunk, too bad you don't want this
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Randomize