Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
