I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
