she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
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